Oh, marriage pre kids—a time of lazy Sunday brunches, spontaneous road trips, and uninterrupted conversations that didn’t involve discussing diaper brands or sleep regressions.
Then, BOOM! A tiny human arrives, and suddenly, your conversations revolve around bodily functions, sleep schedules, and whose turn it is to tackle the mountain of laundry.
Let’s be real—parenthood changes everything, and marriage is no exception. Some couples believe their love will remain untouched by the chaos of child-rearing, that they’ll be the exception, the ones who seamlessly balance romance with sleepless nights.
Spoiler alert: No one is immune.
The Shift No One Prepares You For
Before kids, my husband and I were that couple—the one that took weekend getaways on a whim, stayed up late talking about dreams and nonsense, and genuinely enjoyed just being.
Then, our first baby arrived, and suddenly, romance looked a lot less like candlelit dinners and a lot more like passing each other like ships in the night, mumbling, “Did you restock the diaper bag?”
The exhaustion, the responsibilities, the never-ending to-do list—it all piles up. And if you’re not careful, you start seeing your spouse more as a co-parent than a partner. You go from lovers to logistics managers, and somewhere between the late-night feeds and toddler meltdowns, you forget to see each other.
When We Drifted
There was a stretch where my husband and I were basically coexisting. No dramatic fights, no major fallout—just two tired parents getting through the day. Our conversations were mostly transactional:
“Did you order the wipes?”
“What time is the pediatrician appointment?”
“Can you hold the baby while I pee?”
We weren’t unhappy. But we weren’t us anymore.
The Wake-Up Call
At some point, we realized something had to give. The thing about marriage is that it doesn’t run on autopilot.
Love isn’t self-sustaining—it needs maintenance.
We put effort into our careers, our health, our kids… so why did we assume marriage would magically thrive without the same attention?
The truth is, love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a choice. Every single day, you have to choose your partner. And let’s be honest, some days that choice is easier than others.
The Small Things That Made a Big Difference
We didn’t overhaul our entire lives to rekindle our marriage. We just started showing up for each other in small but meaningful ways:
- Genuine greetings. A “hey” with eye contact instead of a distracted grunt while wrangling a toddler.
- The little check-ins. A midday text: “Hey, how’s your day?” instead of just “Pick up eggs on your way home.”
- Micro-dates. We stopped waiting for the perfect date night and started stealing moments—a cup of coffee together before the kids woke up, holding hands while watching TV, sitting outside for five minutes after bedtime chaos.
- Being teammates, not scorekeepers. No more who’s more exhausted competitions. Instead, we tried to appreciate what the other person was doing, even if it was different from our own contributions.
- Hugging longer. Silly? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely. Science backs this up—long hugs release oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
Love Evolves, and That’s Okay
I used to think love was grand gestures—fancy dates, surprise gifts, sweeping declarations.
But now?
Now I know love is in the ordinary. It’s in the way my husband refills my water bottle because he knows I always forget. It’s in the way we laugh deliriously at 2 AM over something stupid when we’re both too tired to function.
Love isn’t about staying the same—it’s about growing together.
The Best Gift for Your Kids
Here’s the thing—our children are watching.
They see how we treat each other.
They learn about love, respect, and partnership from us.
One day, they’ll grow up and leave (cue ugly crying), and when they do, I want to look across the table at my husband and still recognize the person sitting there.
So yes, marriage changes after kids.
But if you nurture it, if you choose each other, if you remember to see each other—it doesn’t have to fade. It can become something even deeper, even more beautiful than before.
Because in the end, love isn’t about never changing.
It’s about changing together.
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Have you felt your marriage shift after kids? What’s helped you stay connected? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear your stories!
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